This is a copy of a letter I sent to Bob of Bob's Furniture:

Dear Bob,

Please stop advertising. Your ad campaign is probably one of the worst I've ever seen. Second only to that guy in the question mark suit throwing money at the camera. I don't possibly understand how your sales can benefit from such a low quality waste of 45 seconds. I and along with most of my co-workers and I'm sure anyone else who watches TV would appreciate it if you put a little more quality and workmanship into your ads. Take a note from the other guys. Their commercials are creative, classy and a bit witty. It shows they took time and effort and didn't just borrow the neighbors VHS camera and a couple of cue cards to make their commercial. Your radio campaign is just as bad. I'm sure you make a fair chunk of change. Spare a little for the advertisement budget eh?

Your Friend,
Darrell

  posted by Darrell @ 11:29 PM

 
Ask A Fool:

i have a friend (edit) who is 18 and dates chicks who are 15 or EVEN YOUNGER! what do you think of age when it comes to dating, i mean my dads 40 and my moms 46 so if u look at it in comparison (edit) would be dating a12 year old. when does age NOT become a factor in dating. what you think!?

-JFD-

Dear JFD,

15? Well I'll be honest, thats pretty ripe. I like my fruit with a little more age to it, if you catch my drift. I think your friend needs to set his standards a bit higher. Relationships require a lot more maturity then most people think. And the Maturity gap between a 15 year old and an 18 year old is huge. A 15 year old hasn't had a job, a license or even that much life experience, not to mention the legal issues that come with a gap like that...yikes. Your mom and dad are seperated by a six year different but at what age did they start dating? Personally, I think that age isn't that much of an issue as long as the maturity is there. However, I've yet to meet a 15 year old thats mature enough for a relationship. Hope that clears things up for you a bit!

-A Fool

  posted by Darrell @ 1:44 AM

 
So last week I took a Christian Ethics class at the seminary (Southern Evangelical Seminary, of course). It was very interesting. We kept dealing with one question, and how different ethicial systems would approach its answer. So I thought I'd toss it on out for you all to ponder; a moral dilema, if you will: Would you tell a lie to save someone's life? And of course, what would be the reasoning behind your decision?

  posted by Elizabeth @ 7:24 PM

 
There are three places in life that can be annoyingly uncomfortable: The waiting room in a doctor's office, any public restroom with out proper blinders or any restroom with a 'troth' and lastly the bank. I wish the bank would work a little harder at making their customers feel comfortable. I mean I walk in there and theres always this cold awkward atmosphere. Maybe it's the 15 cameras watching every move I make or the 3 inch thick bullet proof glass seperating myself and anyone about to handle my money, Or how about that crazy vacuum sucking peoples checks up through a maze of tubes. I think banks should be more like a good hair dresser. Sure you can still have your cameras and even your bullet proof glass, all I'm asking for is a bit of friendliness. Why not walk in, tell the teller what you want done, exchange money on top of a nice conversation or two and walk out? Simple really.

No, instead you push open harsh doors into a chilling environment that makes you stand upright. Youre Afraid to make conversation with anyone standing in line. The fear of someone you don't know over hearing you talking to someone else you don't know keeps you silent. You look over your shoulder before you actually write anything down and then hand your slip to the teller, hoping you did your math right so you don't look like a complete idiot. You exchange thanks and walk out, money in hand, breathing a sigh of relief as you barrel through the hard to push doors to fresh air. Ahhh.

Am I alone on this or does anyone else feel awkward going to the bank?

  posted by Darrell @ 1:28 AM

 
Now Showing:

Introduction

Communication is the necessity of life. The vastness of the universe can often complicate this however, as there tends to be very large gaps between habitable planets. For instance, people on the planet Earth have yet to be informed that the Orbonians were the first to succesfully travel through a wormhole. Posted on universal galaxy news tickers everywhere, the stories of how the furry little Orbonians were first to master the wormhole via transporting spaceorbs; a container used to transport products through space, reached regions almost as fast as sending it through the hole itself. After the Orbonians mastered the art of the wormhole, they became the leading manufacturer and exporter of spaceorbs across the galaxy. With the exception of Earth, no planet was without a spaceorb made and shipped by the Orbonians. To quote their add campaign; "It's not a real spaceorb unless its an Orbonianorb". The Orbonianorb soon became a household name. To send a letter to grandma, use an orbonianorb. To send the pretty lady some flowers across the galaxy, use the orboniannorb. In a little under one year (thats two weeks on Orbonia) the whole universe became dependant on Orboniaorbs. Orbonia soon became one of the galaxies strongest economic planets.

Until it was destroyed.

The destruction of Orbonia reached galaxy news tickers almost as quickly as it took to destroy it

coming soon

Chapter 1

  posted by Darrell @ 2:14 AM

 
So heres something thats been bothering me this week. Communication. Or lack there of. We all know that one of the important keys to a healthy relationship is communication. Be it, girlfriend, boyfriend or the feared 'just friends', communication is vital. Now first off, let me disclaim that this has nothing to do with my long distance relationship, its something i've just come to notice with a few friends as of late. Second, let me remove the gigantic plank sticking out of my eye. I rarely talk to my parents, in fact I generally avoid them. I get upset when my intentions were to just say hi to someone but somehow I get sucked into a whirlwind of conversation going abssolutley no where. I'm bad at communicating. With family, with some friends, sometimes with the girlfriend and sometimes I just don't want to communicate. (An excuse for a lack of updates at gibbering? maybe)

There now friends. The plank is removed and I can see clearly to take out that pesky sawdust thats been bothering you so much. I've always been told that guys have a hard time communicating. I've always assumed it to be true. Latley however, I see the oppositte. I see guys communicating and girls not listening, or maybe just ignoring. Anyone else notice this trend? Maybe its just me, maybe its just my group of friends but it seems that roles are starting to be reversed. Guys seem to be pouring out emotions, letting their feelings finally known to the world. Take for instance the whole genre of 'emo' music, go read a live journal or a xanga or hey you could even look through myspace. The fact is guys are finally letting out. (Some guys a little too much) Girls on the other hand seem to be taking a more seclusive approach. I've noticed sometimes its hard for a girl to tell someone something in fear of offending certain parties. I don't know whats worse, telling someone something that might offend them or not telling someone something in fear of offending them. Sometimes something needs to be said, offensive or not the majority of the time someone needs to hear it.

I've also noticed girls are very sneaky when it comes to communication. The whole "Well so and so did such and such... but I don't want to talk about it right now" Thats a damn lie and you know it. You do want to talk about it or you wouldn't have brought it up in the first place. Or the old trick where...

ah forget it... I don't really know what I'm getting at here. I think what I wanted my main point to be was that sometimes you just got to come out and say something. I don't really feel like typing anymore so I'll just conclude and let you pretend you read something of worth that came to the following conclusioin:

Be blunt. Be offensive. Talk it out. It's better then ignoring it.

  posted by Darrell @ 1:28 AM

 
Ask A Fool

Ever read those Dear Abby articles in the paper? Me either. Anyways, I figure if this Abby chick can shell out advice, why can't I. Who wouldn't want advice from a young go getter like myself? Sick of the same old answers to your life changing questions? Well send them to me and you can be one of the first of many to Ask a Fool.

How it works:

Write an e-mail to Darrell@dorkfest.net with the subject line : Ask A Fool. Include whatever advice you are seeking and within a day or two the letter will be posted here, along with an in-depth heart felt and probably sarcastic response.

The Benefits:

Advice from a different point of view. Sure, maybe some doctor or psychologist could spit out some everyday answer for you as they feign interest, doodle on their clipboard and count down the minutes until they can go for a summer drive in their BMW. But you, you're real. You need advice from a real person. Advice from someone whos life is probably just as messed up as yours... So lets get some e-mails in. We all know you need it.

  posted by Darrell @ 1:49 PM

 
So about a month ago I was at a lan party. It was pretty fun. Played lots of video games drank lots of red bull. Now if you know me, then you know my love for red bull. Everytime I leave the house I grab a red bull, its quite the amazing drink. In fact one of my friends last week mentioned she's never seen me without a red bull in my hand. Anyways, during the lan party the Red Bull Mobile Energy Team showed up and handed out free drinks. This was turning out to be quite the awesome weekend. I started talking to the Red Bull reps, asking them how they got such a cool job and such, they told me they just filled out an application online...

A couple of days after I got back I told myself what the hell, might as well go for it. I started filling out the online application and such. I even had to make a resume and send that in. When it came to the part on the online application where it said 'No applications will be looked at with out a resume' I thought I was pretty much screwed, because well, mine sucks. I went for it anyways.


It's been about a month now and with out any word from any other place that I've applied to I figured I was destined for the NFL team. (Newicks for Life) Until this morning. Yes my friends, I've caught a glimmer of hope that may pull me out of the black hole of the fish pit.

It was 11:30, I went to bed around 4am, waking up off and on all morning, probably hadn't slept for longer then an hour stretch. My cell phone rang. I was supposed to go to the mall with a friend at around '12:30 or 1' she said. So I picked it up assuming it was her bugging me to get out of bed.

"ITS ONLY 11:30 COME ON!!" I yelled

"Uh..... Hello, this is Jason from Red bull... should I call back at a more convienient time?"

CRAP! I quickly apologized. The phone interview went well, he seemed like a nice guy and it sounded like he was interested in me, I kept making him laugh. He's going to call back tomorrow, I'll be sure not to yell at him this time... I'll have an official meeting with a group next week to see how I work with people and as a team member.

Getting paid to share the glory of red bull with others. This could be my dream job.

  posted by Darrell @ 7:08 PM

 
I was taking a shower this afternoon and after I get done washing all my parts I tend to just relax and let the warm water run off of me for a bit. As I was enjoying being warm and naked, two things I love but rarely experience at the same time) I started to read the back of my shampoo bottle.

"You know true beauty is more than skin deep. But try telling that to your hair..."

Was the opening sentence to the back of my Finesse shampoo bottle. I had to read it twice more, once to make sure I read it right and again to confirm the stupidity of what it said. I contemplated who would write such a thing. The only thing that came to mind was a hideously ugly insane person. How did I come to this conclusion you ask? Well, let's think about the statement for a moment. You know true beauty is more than skin deep. The only people who would say something like that are ugly... I'll admit maybe some Christians do too but they only say it because they have to. Now someone who tells me I should say that to my hair has got to be insane. I picture anyone who talks to parts of their body or any non-living objects to have a few screws loose.

So I guess Finesse hires insane ugly people to write blurbs for them... People, I think my job search has come to an end!

  posted by Darrell @ 4:53 AM

 
You know, I used to post a lot on this site about the relationships of boys and girls, and now that I'm finally in one I don't have much to post about. I'll tell you one thing, all the advice that I had posted for guys to get the girls, keep the girls and how to kiss the girl, all pretty much went out the window in my pursuit of Emily.

If you've been a regular reader you know that I used to talk a lot about signals. When I first met Emily, I was interested in her, I wanted to get to know her, but did she want to get to know me?? Honestly, I couldn't tell. Pretty much every girl up until Emily had given me some form of signal, either a green light or a red light or maybe even one of those proceed with caution lights. Emily's light was off or maybe I was just going blind. Either way I couldn't tell if she was interested , but I went with my gut instinct, you know, the one that told me "what girl wouldn't be interested in me??"

It paid off, we started seeing each other. Now, I'm all about being smooth in fact I often pride myself in being one of the smoothest kids I know. But when it came time to try and impress Em, I shold've come back to my site and studied up on what I wrote. I never tried the click wink, the one liners or the arm stretch. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, there was something about this girl that just drained every ounce of smoothness out of me.

In fact the first time I called her, she didn't pick up. I went to leave my phone number but my mind went blank and I forgot it. I had to ask a friend what my number was in the middle of the voicemail, he spouted it and I repeated it. Smooth Darrell, Smooooth. Finally when I did get enough courage to ask her to be my 'official girlfriend' I did it not in a field under the stars, or a candle light dinner for two, but pulling into a mobil on the run gas station in my big yellow truck.

Now my guide on how to keep the girl, If I had actually followed this in any way shape or form, Em would've dumped me within six hours of us going out. I urge you readers, forget I even came up with this. Emily has stuck around with me for a bit now, and I can gurantee it's not because I followed those rules. (I think it's mostly because of my beautiful eyes)

As far as the rules go, I can pretty much say, very proudly in fact that those are all in order. She knows where I stand on PDA, I always get control of the radio, shes gone to a hockey game with me, she always informs me when her mom is going to be around, and her back rubs are to die for. I'm pretty proud of these rules, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to stick by them. I guess an expert has to be right occasionally right?


What about the art of making out you ask? Well my friends, some things within a relationship are best left unsaid. This would be one of them.


To conclude, my guides pretty much suck, had I actually practiced what I preached, I'm pretty sure Em would have kicked my butt pretty hard.

Live and learn, live and learn...

  posted by Darrell @ 4:31 AM