The Art of the Road Trip
 
In these past few years of my life, I've spent more time in a car then any one man really should.  I've come accustomed to the extended drives half way across the country.  I've traveled a 16 hour drive to Knoxville Tennessee roughly ten times.  When I lived in Tennessee, my college buddies and I would go on road trips to see friends, girlfriends, grandmothers just about every weekend.  When I lived in Indiana, I was also on the road just about every weekend traveling as far east as New York and then west to Wiscounsin.  I consider myself a master of the road trip.  I've peed in bottles, seen every form of roadkill known to man, I once drove eighteen hours straight on a bottle of live wire.
 
In my experiences I've learned quite a few things in which to make a road trip enjoyable, safe and best of all quicker than what it should be.  Here is a helpful guide for my fellow roadies out there.
 
1.) Always pack the tums.
 
My friend had the runs once, we had to stop 3 times in the same hour, thats no good.
 
2.) If you pee in a bottle,  make sure the bottle is big enough to hold said pee. 
 
I once had to hold a bottle of my friends pee that was overflowing because he filled it up and had to switch out.
 
3.) If your stomach hurts and your constipated, don't take medicine meant for the runs.
 
I did this once and eight hours later, I literally pooped a brick.
 
4.) Make sure you know where you are going
 
On a trip back to Tennessee, we crossed the hudson river 4 times going in circles.  Once ending up in the ghettos of NJ where a toothless black man told us to get on a highway that didn't exist.
 
5.) Pace yourself on the pididdle game.
 
One time I almost dented the roof of a rental car in a frantic attempt to beat my friend at pididdle.
 
6.) Fog lights DO count as pididdles and red brake lights are worth 2 points.
 
7.) Try to find a taco bell that has french fries, it's an amazing experience.
 
8.) Make sure your cd player or mp3 player is fully charged.
 
Or else you'll have to listen to the on going ramblings of fellow travelers, and this can get quite annoying sometimes.
 
9.) To pass the time try to make up as many jokes as you can about a certain thing or food.
 
Brandon and I must've made 50 different cheese jokes on a road trip once.
 
10.) If you want to annoy your fellow travelers play "Theres a car"
 
Just point at any car and say "Theres a car!" ....if you point to a truck you lose.
 
11.) Try to avoid traveling with people who snore.
 
12.) Try to avoid driving with Steve Tiller.
 
The only man I know to get a speeding ticket driving a church van.
 
13.) Deep theological discussions are reserved for the hours between 4am-6am
 
14.) Driving 85mph through fog in upper new york is just plain stupid.
 
15.) To make the trip seem quicker, pick a random state and then say "Don't worry guys after [insert state] it's a cake walk"
 
16.) If you are a roadie that pees in bottles, pass a car and dump the pee out the window.  Bonus points if the car you pass has his or her windows rolled down.
 
That is all for now. I have to go pack for my journey.  I'll see you all in 12 days or so!
 
add more road trip advice to this if you'd like!


  posted by Darrell @ 7:53 PM